Gamer Column

Top 10 I.O.S

So, you go out, you’ve got an iPhone and you have literally no idea what to put on it because you suck at knowing things. Hell, when I got my iPhone I sucked at knowing things too, and because of that I wasted a load of money on wading through the App Store looking for good stuff to play.

Anyway, sales are over and I have collated a list to save you not only time but also your hard earned cash. What kind of list? Well I’ll tell you: A list of my TOP TEN MOST FAVOURITE iOS GAMES THAT I HAVE PLAYED CURRENTLY, BUT ARE GENUINELY FANTASTIC.

You really should go and download these games.

10: Scribblenauts Remix

Scribblenauts Remix combines all the fun of Scribblenauts and Super Scribblenauts, and brings the ingenuity from both the original games ot the table. This franchise may well be the only series to have a loading screen more engaging and entertaining than the game itself, because in spite of the stellar item-conjuring puzzles the core game is made up of the title screen itself is a sandbox of unlimited potential.

Recently I was on a train ride for five hours where I didn’t close the title screen of the game even once simply because of the unlimited fun you can have if you’re willing to put a little effort into the creation. Working in nouns and adjectives I caused a clash between a giant scaly dwarf and a miniscule icy Cthulu, and it spawned the exact creatures I had described.

It’s incredible and easily worth your 70p.

9: Sonic 4- Episode 1

There was bound to be a Sonic game on this list given that he’s the most mainstream platform character to have made it to the iOS. This alone is not enough to mandate a spot on this list- what does that is the actual differences this edition has from the mainstream console releases.

Gyroscopic controls, separate stages and some trippy (and unpleasant) ‘loop-de-loop’ effects make this a game separate to the usual version of Sonic 4 in such a way that for fans it is a definite must-buy. All the speed and graphical acuity from the console releases are there, and it’s just as beautiful as it’s ever been, but the fact it’s a good game and iOS exclusive levels together mean that it definitely mandates a spot on this list.

8: Where’s My Water?

A Disney game? In the top ten of anything?! And it’s not Toy Story 2 for PS1?!?!?!?!

Facetious punctuation aside, Where’s My Water is a charming little time-waster which utilises physical puzzles using dynamic fluid technology to simulate the flow of water through a level. In normal-speak you gotta get water to an anally retentive alligator who lives in the sewer so that he may shower.

It’s a “quick fix”, and can provide a lot more fun than you’d think, as well as some deceptively difficult puzzles and a few gyroscopic puzzles too.

7: Swords and Sworcery

Art games are pretentious and cause me to vomit vomit from my mouth-hole. Swords and Sworcery is an art-game. There has been no vomit.

A charming little faux-retro RPG with intelligent level design, excellent cinematography, a soundtrack that makes angels weep, loveable characters and a very knowing sense of humour, S&S is a foray into what portable iOS gaming could be. The game apes social networking conventions, has (legitimately) hilarious dialogue and is designed to be episodic, yet does not require additional purchase to continue.

Holy shit, I think it might be the perfect system. You never get too bogged down, and the story is presented in perfectly-sized bites that compliment the game’s style perfectly.

6: 100 Rogues

In a regular ‘Roguetype’ one plays as the character “@” in an ASCII dungeon with little in the way of charm or individuality. Games of the genre are notoriously unforgiving and 100 Rogues is no exception.

A game with a particularly charming artstyle and sense of humour can often mask its true depth, and this is a deep game. Hundreds of pieces of equipment, multiple classes and an epic quest to ‘go kill Satan’ make this a dungeon-crawler unlike any other. This should be considered an absolutely necessary purchase.

5: Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing

A second Sonic game in the top ten? Preposterous! Oh wait, it’s not. Chances are you already snapped this game up when it was free a week or two ago, if not then you really should pick it up.

The console version is an HD Mario Kart with better drifting, better tracks and better… Well, it’s good. As a Kart Racer, its only parallel is Mario Kart, and their quality has been disputable since the Gamecube.

The iOS version has some really nice touches, fluid and lagless graphics and features a hell of a lot of content. Easily worth the meagre price tag.

4: Tiny Wings

Tiny Wings was rated by Apple as the iPhone’s Game Of The Year for 2011, and with good reason: It’s utterly lovely.

The story? You’re a bird who has always dreamt of flight. The gameplay? A ski/launch system where the only control is a touch of the screen to dive. The concept, graphics, sound effects and music? As I said- utterly lovely.

I have never played a game which could only be described with such a trite euphemism, but lovely truly is the only word for what Tiny Wings has to offer. Each time you launch yourself perfectly your bird (mine is named Jewbilee) chirps thankfully, and the whole experience simply exudes the glee of your faux flight.

Utterly lovely.

3: Epoch

Epoch is “iOS Cover Shooting done right”, and that description is as apt as any I could give you. The controls are ingenious, the use of the Unreal engine is beautiful and the setting is as intriguing as the game is fun to play. Your character, a robot designed for protecting a princess, can be upgraded in many ways and there are many ways to play.

You essentially inhabit six zones of the screen and swipe to move between them. The top three zones allow you to attack, the bottom three are covered. This is a game of timing, shooting and patience. Dodging enemy shots is entertaining enough in any game, but planning the shot you’re going to dodge, leaping a laser cutting through cover and launching a volley of rockets to counterattack is much more satisfying.

At least watch a Youtube video of it- you’ll be reminded of Gears of War, Time Crisis and kick-ass robot fights all at the same time.

2: The Quest

DO YOU LIKE THE ELDER SCROLLS?

OF COURSE YOU DO.

GO GET THE QUEST, IT’S THE NEXT BEST THING TO HAVING DAGGERFALL ON iPHONE AND YOU DON’T NEED A FANCY iPHONE TO RUN IT EITHER.

LOW SYSTEM SPECS AND BASICALLY AN ELDER SCROLLS GAME?

DONE. GO BUY IT, IT EVEN HAS AN EXPANSION PACK OFFERING 30 MORE HOURS.

BUY IT NOW.

THIS IS MY GOTY.

1: Infinity Blade + Infinity Blade 2

Beautiful. Addictive. Perfect. Both Infinity Blade games (and indeed the book available on iBooks) are all three of these things. They’re grown-up fantasy done right, without a hint of an influence by Tolkien or anyone so romantic. It’s grubby, visceral and violent, and due to its cyclical nature and swipe-for-slash play mechanic is as entertaining as it is addictive.

Infinity Blade (the first of the two games) itself is fairly restrictive in its content. You slog through a fortress, swiping on the screen to draw the paths of your attacks, using magic and kicking knights and monsters in the crotch as they come. The second is far more varied, features more weapon types than just a sword and shield and traverses a far larger and more difficult area.

All in all it’s a great game with a nigh-on perfect sequel. If you don’t own this game, or you decide to spend your money on Angry Birds then you really do need to rethink your life a little. Would you rather launch irritable avians at a series of porcine egg-thieves or attack immortal superbeings armed nothing more than your guile and a length of pointed metal?

If your answer was the former then you need not rethink your life, and should endeavour merely to end it.

Toby Ellis