Trouble With Sonic

So, Sonic the Hedgehog is back for a brand new adventure. Well, I say brand new- the game is an homage (or a re-hashing depending on your viewpoint) to the classic sonic levels of the past, from the Mega Drive era right up to recent titles like Sonic Colours. Is this a good thing? Welllll…

Sonic kinda sucks.

Don't get me wrong here- it's not like they're including Arthurian levels from Sonic and the Black Knight, or anything so awful as that, and it's not like Sonic is objectively awful, it's just that… Well… Every year or so we get a new Sonic game which looks awesome, and the demo's always a really solid piece of game and we all get psyched, but then you end up with a game featuring a "werehog" for most of the actual gameplay.

Sonic has always been fairly hit and miss- at least he has since he entered the third dimension. Remember Sonic 2006? Of course you don't- nobody does unless they're hardcore Sonic fans. That's the way his games have gone for the last ten years or so- if you were raised in a household where Sonic was your bread and butter you tend to overlook the flaws in games like Shadow the Hedgehog, but if you weren't then you know that… Well…

Sonic really, really sorta sucks.

I was raised in a Mario household. I make no secret of this- the Italian Stallion is basically the man who taught me my morals and ability to problem solve by crushing the spines of my enemies. Maybe this is why I'm so bitter about that damn hedgehog receiving so much attention- the bitter console wars of the 90s living on in veterans like myself. Maybe though it's the fact that I got Sonic and the Secret Rings with my Wii and was angrier than I've ever been.

The trouble is that it's not like Sonic's ever been truly unpopular in spite of some really, really shitty games. The consistency of his games has been questionable for the last decade or so yet his fans always claim that he's as good as he's always been, and in some ways they're right. He's a great mascot- he's in great cartoons and occasionally redeems himself by appearing in games which don't totally suck: Smash Bros Brawl, Sonic Colours, Sonic Unleashed (it was half a good game, at least). Sometimes he even does better than expected and does cool stuff like that Sega cart racing games.

Still, everyone knows that Sonic sucks a thousand dicks these days. No matter how many plausible arguments his fans make for his continuing greatness and his constantly prophesied 'return to glory' it can still be agreed that Sonic hasn't been good since either Sonic and Knuckles or (if you're being fairly lenient with your standards) Sonic Adventure 2. Why is he so rubbish? Well I could explain, or I could post this picture:

Ok, I'll explain anyway. The Sonic the Hedgehog fanbase is easily one of the most needlessly loyal and unwittingly belligerent collections of people one will ever encounter. They are willing to overlook the flaws in their beloved franchise simply because nostalgia tells them that nothing they loved so much as a child could ever evolve into something that is universally considered to be average-to-bad. It's like having a favourite teacher who turns out to be a paedophile- you feel a little disgusted not just with him but with yourself.

But, of course, you stick to your guns- buying every piece of Sonic merchandise you can because you love the critter so much and he's bound to improve some day, right? Right?! You argue incessantly with your friends about the validity of Espio the Chameleon's existence and why he's the best character ever, but inside you know that you hate Sonic Heroes. You hate it so damn much, but you lie to us all- and most depressingly to yourself.

So how the hell can Sonic Generations be so good if the sum total of its parts are generally either awful or overrated? Well, it combines old 2D Sonic (which is awesome) and the newer 3D style of Sonic (which is also awesome when it's in its purest form, which this is). It plays like a cross between the vastly underrated Sonic 4 and the good half of Sonic: Unleashed. Now this is a very, very, very good combination- even as a skeptic I can admit that. Could it finally be time for Sonic to step back out of the darkness and stop boring us all to death with each passing release?

Well, the demo's solid, all the gameplay looks great and it's reviewing really well…

OH GOD, SO CONFLICTED.

It can't be good! It's a Sonic game made after Sonic Adventure 2! But it looks so fun! Help, for the love of God help- I don't understand the emotions going through my head right now. On the one hand it's a modern Sonic game, so it's going to have to be awful, but on the other hand the demo's beautiful, addictive and fun- that's the triumvirate of qualities that makes a game worth buying right there. It's even got awesome music, which is a Sonic mainstay.

I guess we'll all find out if it's any good- millions of people are going to buy it (some for more valid reasons than others) and every audience will be pleased. It's got enough nostalgia-value to captivate the 30-somethings who remember "WHEN SONIC WAS BETTER THAN MARIO" (yet claim that this was every day ever) and enough colourful high-speed action to capture the attention of children.

I'm just so torn- the remakes of the classic stages look so enticing, but will I dare approach the forbidden altar that is the modern Sonic title?

Probably- look at this goddamn Chemical Plant screenshot, it's so f*cking beautiful.

Toby Ellis